Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder
by ytteb
Summary: Tony steps up when he has to. Illness of a major(ish) character.


_AN: please note the category! This is not my usual fare. Mentions of Alzheimer's disease so please don't read if this will be difficult for you._

* * *

Gibbs was in his basement working on his latest project when he heard familiar footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Hi, Boss," said Tony.

"Wondered when you'd show up, DiNozzo," said Gibbs without looking up from his sanding.

"Had to come and pack up the apartment," said Tony, looking round the basement feeling relieved that it was still the same; changelessness was something he appreciated at the moment.

"Hmmm," grunted Gibbs, still keeping his eyes on his work.

"So, how are you?" asked Tony, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Busy," said Gibbs flatly, "you know, being a man down."

"Yeah, sorry about that," said Tony.

"_Sorry?_" said Gibbs, "is that all you've got to say?" At last he lifted his eyes to look at his visitor and suppressed a gasp of shock when he saw Tony's pale and drawn face, "what's going on, DiNozzo?" he went on in a gentler voice.

Tony made a brave attempt at a smile, "Didn't the Director tell you? He's given me a leave of absence."

"Yeah, he told me. Didn't say why, though. Just said you needed to spend some time with your Dad. Even though you'd just spent a week with him in New York. Didn't think you liked being with him that much."

"I don't," said Tony with a mirthless laugh.

"Then why are you?" said Gibbs with a return to anger, "need to be in the bright lights do you? That more important than your job, your _team_?"

"He's sick," said Tony.

"What d'you mean, 'he's sick'? What's wrong with him?"

"Alzheimer's."

"Tony! I'm sorry."

"Some investigator I am," said Tony bitterly, "it all makes sense now. Those business deals that didn't work out. Forgetting to let me know where he was or what he was doing. Don't get me wrong, he's done all that for years but I can see now that it had got worse recently."

"What happened?" asked Gibbs.

"He forgot I was coming – no big surprise there. Then he couldn't remember the name of the concierge at the Four Seasons Hotel – who he's known for years. He kept sort of spacing out, and then looking puzzled about where he was. I may not the sharpest knife in the drawer but it was obvious something was wrong."

"What did you do?"

"Got him to see a doctor who confirmed it. She thinks it's been going on for a while."

"And nobody noticed?" said Gibbs.

The incredulity in Gibbs' voice put Tony on the defensive, "Hey, you know that I don't see him that much. He's always lived this self-centred life; it never surprised me that he didn't keep me in the loop."

"Wasn't meant as a criticism," said Gibbs mildly, "I just thought that he seems a pretty social sort of guy. Thought his friends might notice, that's all."

"Yeah, well, don't think there's that many real friends around," said Tony, "he travels a lot, nobody sees him on a regular basis to pick up on odd things. Living in hotels disguises a lot of not coping. And, like I said, that 'forgetfulness' has been part of his cover for a long time. He flew under our radar. Guess that's why Linda broke off the engagement, one too many missed appointments, special dates forgotten. She thought he didn't care."

"What you going to do, Tony?"

"I'm taking a leave of absence," Tony reminded Gibbs.

"You gonna settle him in some place?" said Gibbs, "How long will that take?"

"Did I tell you that I've got a house in New York, out on the North Shore?" asked Tony, "it was my mom's when she moved to America. Before she met Senior. She left it to me in her will and I kept hold of it. Rented it out but the tenants are moving out."

"So?"

"So, I'm going to move Dad in there. He'll be better off in New York, doctor says familiar surroundings are good."

"Sounds a good idea," approved Gibbs.

"And I'll move in too," said Tony, "look after him. He can't look after himself. Hey, could argue that he's never been able to look after himself."

"What? You're going to look after him?"

"Yes," said Tony simply.

"Why?"

"He's my father, Boss."

"Tony! Do you realise what you're giving up?"

Tony stared at Gibbs, "Course I do, Gibbs. D'you think I haven't thought this through?"

"But, Tony!" Gibbs was lost for words which, Tony mused, despite him being a functional mute, was unusual. The Boss didn't talk much but he was generally fluent when he wanted to speak, "Tony," went on Gibbs, "do you think he'd do the same for you?"

Tony laughed that strange laugh again, "of course not!"

"Then why are you doing it?" asked Gibbs.

"It's the right thing to do, Gibbs. He's my Dad."

"Is it because you feel guilty?" asked Gibbs.

"What have I got to feel guilty about?" asked Tony.

"Nothing, Tony, I didn't mean to suggest you _should_ feel guilty. I'm just trying to understand this."

"You'd have done the same for Jackson, wouldn't you?" asked Tony.

Gibbs took a sip of his cold coffee and considered this. "I guess so," he said eventually, "but Jackson was …" he trailed off.

"A good father?" supplied Tony, "so he'd have deserved it?"

Gibbs nodded.

"Can't argue with you there," said Tony, "but it doesn't matter. I'm doing this anyway."

"When are you leaving?" asked Gibbs.

"Tomorrow," said Tony, "just came to pack up some of the apartment, bits I don't want new tenants to smash up. Letting agent's gonna to arrange the rest."

"You're not selling up then?" said Gibbs.

"No. I hope to come back some day. _And _I hope to come back to NCIS."

"What shall I tell the team? You gonna come by and say goodbye?"

"No, I won't come in. Tell them what you want, Gibbs, whatever seems easiest."

"Abby'll be upset," said Gibbs.

"One reason not to come in, Boss, got enough to cope with at the minute. Don't really need Abby's emotions on top of everything else."

"Give me your address," ordered Gibbs, "I might get to New York some time." He held his hand out to Tony. Tony looked at Gibbs in surprise but then shook hands, "Good luck, Tony," said Gibbs feeling the words were inadequate.

"Thanks, Boss. Watch your six!" and he was gone.

NCISNCIS

Six months later, Gibbs stood outside Tony's small house in a quiet road overlooking a New York park. A sensible looking sedan was parked in the drive; it didn't look like Tony's normal choice of car but Gibbs could see that it would be easy for an elderly man to climb into. Gibbs had surprised the Director by volunteering to come to New York for a crime conference but now found himself hesitating about whether to visit DiNozzo after all. A woman walking her dog looked at him curiously and he realised he'd been standing on the sidewalk for a several minutes staring at the house; he shook himself and walked up the drive.

"Boss?" said Tony when he opened the door, "what you doing here?"

"Came to see you, DiNozzo," said Gibbs.

"Oh," said Tony, looking back into the house.

"Can I come in?" asked Gibbs, "it's a few minutes since I finished my last coffee, could do with a refill!"

"Course," said Tony, "yes, come in."

Gibbs followed Tony into a sunny living room which looked out on to a small yard. Mr DiNozzo was sitting at a desk with a pile of papers in front of him."

"Sir," said Tony, "we've got a visitor. Do you remember Special Agent Gibbs?"

Senior looked at Gibbs, "No, I don't think I've had the pleasure. Please, sit down. Tony, get some refreshments for Mr …"

"Gibbs," said Gibbs, "how are you, Mr DiNozzo?"

"Very well," said Senior, "busy, of course. Drawing up plans for a new leisure complex," and he pointed at the heap of papers, "it's going well. There's still some opportunities to make an investment if you want."

"No, Sir," said Gibbs, "I'm not looking for an investment."

"Oh," said Senior. He looked Gibbs up and down and Gibbs knew that the price of his overcoat and shoes were being assessed, "then what are you doing here?"

"I came to see Tony," said Gibbs.

"Tony," said Senior sternly, "you know I don't really approve of you having visitors in work time."

"Tony didn't know I was coming," said Gibbs smoothly.

"Oh," said Senior, "well. Are you sure you don't want to invest in the new complex? Small investors are welcome too."

"I'll go and get your lunch ready, Sir," said Tony, "I'll put the TV on. It's time for that business programme you wanted to watch."

Senior nodded and watched as Tony switched the TV on. Tony gestured to Gibbs to follow him out of the room into the kitchen.

"Sir?" queried Gibbs.

"He thinks I'm his personal assistant," said Tony emotionlessly, "it's easier that way."

"Tony …" began Gibbs.

"It's OK, Gibbs," said Tony turning away to make him some coffee, "we get by. I knew it wouldn't be easy."

"He's still working then?" said Gibbs.

Tony laughed, "No. It keeps him happy. He thinks he's put an offer in on the park across the street. We go there for a walk most afternoons and he plans where he's going to put the golf course. The other folk have got used to it but it took a while, they were a bit alarmed at first to think their park was going to be redeveloped!"

"But he likes the Business News? He keeps up with that? That's good."

"Do you remember Ducky saying he'd recorded an episode of his mom's favourite programme and she never realised she was watching the same one over and over? I recorded the business programme on a day when the shares Dad's interested in were doing well. I play it to him every day: it makes him happy to think his investments are doing well."

"And are they?"

"We're OK for money, if that's what you mean? I finally got guardianship of his finances so there's no danger of him getting involved in any more schemes. I've got the money from renting out the DC apartment, Senior had a few investments that were still OK, we get by. He goes to a day care centre one day a week: he thinks it's another of his enterprises that the other attendees are looking to put money into."

"And what do you do, Tony?" asked Gibbs.

"He keeps me busy," said Tony, "can't take my eyes off him. He gets restless, we have to go out for walks or drives in the car. Well, I guess I never was enough for him." He changed the subject, "How's everyone back at the Navy Yard?"

"They're OK. Missing you."

"I miss them," said Tony, "even the Director!"

Gibbs laughed dutifully, "We got a TAD in. Haven't replaced you, Tony."

"Of course not, I'm irreplaceable!"

Tony moved across to a cupboard and happened to stand in the light from the window. Gibbs noticed for the first time that he had lost weight and looked tired.

"Dad looks well, doesn't he?" said Tony.

"Yes," agreed Gibbs.

"Turns out I'm a good dad," smiled Tony.

"Does he know who you are?" asked Gibbs.

"Not really," said Tony, "he's sort of stuck in the 90s, I think. We weren't really in touch much then."

"Tony …"

"I know, Gibbs. But what can you say? Come on, we'd better go back in. I don't like to leave him."

Gibbs followed Tony back into the living room where Senior was watching the Business News and making notes on a writing pad.

"Tony," he said, "Call my broker, will you? Tell him I want to sell six thousand TDI shares and buy ten thousand in Silver Kings."

He handed the pad to Tony and Gibbs saw that it was covered with meaningless scribbles.

"Yes, Sir," said Tony, "here's your lunch," and he put a plate of sandwiches on the table.

"Is that pastrami?" asked Senior eagerly.

"Yes, Sir, your favourite," said Tony, "and I've got a pastry from Giovanni's for you as well."

"Thank you, Tony," said Senior. He looked at Gibbs, "he's a good boy," he said confidentially, "if I'd had a son, I'd have liked him to turn out like Tony," and he started eating his lunch. He chewed for a few moments and then said, "Tony, I told you to call my broker. Do it now, the price won't stay the same, you know."

Gibbs looked at Tony, wondering how he would react to this but Tony showed no emotion. "Yes, Sir," he said, "I'll get right on it."

"Have we met?" said Senior to Gibbs, "are you here to talk about investing in the new golf course?"

Gibbs went with Tony and Senior for a walk in the park after lunch. Mr DiNozzo pointed out the features he would be changing when the plans were finalised and Tony listened patiently while holding his arm so he wouldn't stumble. Gibbs wondered how many times Tony had done this and marvelled that he seemed never to lose his patience although his father kept on repeating the same thing over and over again. When Senior began to flag, they sat on a bench for a while. Tony produced a hat and scarf and wrapped his father up warmly against the chill of a late Spring afternoon.

It was clear that Tony and Senior were familiar faces in the park. Lots of people smiled and nodded as they went past but Gibbs noticed that none stopped to speak and he wondered how the sociable Tony coped with the isolation. After ten minutes or so, Senior began drumming his fingers on his leg and Tony seemed to take this as a signal to move on so they walked back to the house.

"You coming in for a coffee?" asked Tony as they reached the drive.

"Can't," said Gibbs, "got an evening session at the conference."

"OK," said Tony placidly, "thanks for dropping by."

"Look after yourself, Tony," said Gibbs.

"Always do," lied Tony.

"Goodbye, Mr DiNozzo," said Gibbs.

The charm was switched on automatically, "Good to meet you, Mr …, I hope you enjoyed the tour of the new complex. Let my assistant know if you decide to invest. I'm sure we could work something out."

Gibbs nodded and watched as Tony and his father went back into the house. As the door slammed shut, he wondered if it was fanciful to think it sounded like a prison door slamming. He turned away resolutely, trying to squash down his feeling of relief that _he_ was able to walk away.

NCISNCIS

Four months later, Gibbs was in his kitchen fixing his evening meal when his front door opened. He turned to see who had come in,

"Tony! What you doing here?"

Tony stood uncertainly in the doorway and seemed to sway slightly. Gibbs put the can of beans down and hurried over to his unexpected guest,

"Tony, sit down before you fall down. Is everything all right?"

"No," said Tony, "no, it's not all right."

Gibbs switched the light on so he could see Tony better and had to bite back an exclamation. Tony was even thinner than when he'd seen him four months ago and there were dark shadows under his eyes.

"Come on, take your coat off," said Gibbs. Tony stood up obediently and took off his overcoat; as he did so the sleeve of his sweater rode up and Gibbs saw a bruise on his wrist. He peered a bit closer and thought he could see the remains of a black eye as well.

"What's happened, Tony?" asked Gibbs but Tony just closed his eyes and relaxed into Gibbs' couch; within seconds he was fast asleep.

Gibbs hit speed dial #2 on his phone,

"Mallard," came Ducky's voice.

"Ducky," said Gibbs, "can you come over? DiNozzo just turned up on my doorstep. Something's wrong."

"On my way," said Ducky with uncharacteristic brevity.

Gibbs went into the kitchen to make Tony something to eat but carefully watched over him while he waited for Ducky to arrive.

Ducky went straight to the couch when he arrived and sat next to Tony.

"Anthony," he said, "could you wake up for me, please? I need to examine you and it would be easier if you were awake."

Tony opened his eyes slowly, "Hey, Ducky."

"Good evening, Anthony. Now, can you tell me what you're doing here? We thought you were in New York with your father."

"I was. He's still there."

"You left him on his own?" said Gibbs in surprise. "I thought you said he couldn't be left."

"Jethro," said Ducky crossly, "let Anthony tell us in his own time. So, Anthony, your father is still in New York?"

"Yes," said Tony.

Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief that Senior was still alive and he didn't have to deal with a grief stricken Tony.

"And can you tell us what has happened, dear boy?" asked Ducky gently, "and how you got these bruises."

"Did someone attack you?" demanded Gibbs.

"_Jethro_," said Ducky, "you are not helping. Perhaps you could heat up some soup for your guest. I believe he is in need of some nourishment."

Glad to have been given a job to do, Gibbs retreated to the kitchen but worked as silently as possible so he could hear what was going on in his living room.

"Anthony," said Ducky, "please tell me what has happened."

"I failed," whispered Tony, "how did you do it, Ducky?"

Gibbs watched as Ducky put his arms round Tony and embraced him. Gibbs had seen people hug Ducky before but he rarely initiated it. Tony sat stiffly for a couple of minutes before crumpling and hiding his face in Ducky's shoulder. Ducky let Tony stay there for a few more minutes before saying,

"So what happened, Anthony? I believe you will feel better for telling us."

Tony straightened up slowly, "I thought I'd be able to manage. Senior was difficult but I was coping. I was, wasn't I, Boss?"

"Yes, Tony," said Gibbs, "you were doing fine."

"But it got worse," said Tony, "he got belligerent. Wouldn't co-operate. Began to think I wanted to hurt him, that I was after his money."

"It's not uncommon, I fear," said Ducky, "although I was fortunate that Mother never developed paranoia."

"I got a home care worker in to help," said Tony, "I couldn't shower or toilet him by myself. That worked for a while but he couldn't be there all the time and sometimes Dad got violent. I don't think he meant to hurt me but sometimes he did."

"I'm sure you did all you could, Anthony," said Ducky.

"I wasn't sleeping," said Tony, "he wouldn't stay in bed and I had to keep trying to get him back to bed but he'd fight me. And he swore at me! I never knew he could curse like that."

"Did you consult his doctor?" asked Ducky.

"Yes. And she said that it was too dangerous for him to stay at home. That he'd have to go into some facility. That he wasn't safe."

"And?" said Ducky.

"And I said I'd cope. I'm a federal agent, I should have been able to cope. But then …" Tony broke off and put his head in his hands.

"But what?" asked Gibbs.

"I lost my temper. It felt like I hadn't slept for days. I got him up, washed him and sat him at the table. I got him a bowl of cereal and he emptied it over his head and threw the bowl at me. And I shouted at him. I never shouted at him and I raised my hand to hit him."

"And did you?" asked Ducky.

"No, I stopped myself just in time. But I realised I had to let him go because another time I would have hurt him. I might have killed him!"

"So what has happened?" said Ducky.

"He moved into a care facility. It's a good place, highly recommended."

"That's good," said Ducky soothingly, "you did the right thing."

"But he cried when he went," said Tony, "he cried. Senior never cried."

Ducky patted him on the shoulder and opened his mouth to speak but Tony stood up before he could say anything, "I have to go back," he said, "I need to try harder. I can make it work."

"Anthony," said Ducky firmly, "you are no good to your father at the moment. You need to rest and eat and when you are feeling better we will consider your options."

Tony swayed in exhaustion and sat back down, "That's better," said Ducky, "now, Jethro, is that soup warm yet?"

Tony ate the soup and fell asleep soon afterwards.

"He's not going back to New York!" said Gibbs in a fierce whisper.

"No," said Ducky calmly, "but I don't think you will need to enforce that. Anthony knows he has made the right decision. He just needs to come to terms with it."

"How do you know, Duck?"

"Because I have been there, Jethro, and I know how hard the decision is to live with."

Ducky was right. Tony slept a lot over the next few days as his tired body caught up with the rest it had been denied for so long. He didn't talk much but gratefully ate the simple food which Gibbs supplied at regular intervals and he didn't talk about going back to New York.

"Is he depressed, Duck?" Gibbs asked on one of Ducky's visits.

"Depressed?" said Ducky, "I don't believe so. He is tired and he is sad but that doesn't equal depression. I believe he will come back to us once his physical health is restored."

The news got out that Tony was back in DC and Abby paid a surprise visit. After the obligatory hug she curled up with Tony on the couch,

"You must be glad you had time to spend with your Dad," she said.

"I guess so," said Tony.

"Were there times that he knew who you were?" asked Abby.

Gibbs, watching from the kitchen again, noticed a look of pain cross Tony's face, "yeah, once or twice he knew who I was," he said.

"That must have made it all worthwhile," said Abby happily before changing the subject.

Later that day, Gibbs broached the subject,

"I didn't think your Dad ever knew who you were," he said.

"He didn't most of the time," admitted Tony.

"But?"

"A couple times he did. And …"

"And?"

"And he remembered how useless I was and told me I'd end up in the gutter."

NCISNCIS

Gibbs and Tony stood outside Mr DiNozzo's room in the Care Facility, waiting to be let in.

"He's a bit down today," said his nurse, Mark, "he doesn't like the dark days. We use the daylight lamps but it doesn't always help."

"Thanks," said Tony, "Boss, you don't have to come in."

Gibbs didn't say anything but simply followed Tony in.

"Hello, Sir," said Tony, going up to sit next to his father.

Senior looked at him vaguely but then turned back to look through the window.

"Mark said you ate all your lunch, that's good," continued Tony.

Senior started drumming his fingers on the table. Tony reached across and put his hand over his father's hand until the drumming stopped. Senior looked at Tony and seemed to see him for the first time,

"Do I know you? Your eyes look just like … like someone I used to know. She was beautiful."

Tony tried to smile, "I think I knew her too and yes, she was beautiful. I have a photo, would you like to see it?"

Senior didn't reply, he was obviously still trying to catch an elusive memory. Tony took the photo of him and his mom standing outside the movie theatre, "Here," he said.

Senior cocked his head as he looked at the picture, "no," he said, "that's not her. I don't know her," he dropped the photo and went back to looking through the window.

Tony picked up his father's hand again and rubbed his thumb over one knuckle. After a few minutes, Senior said, "did you want to invest in my new golf complex? There's still time."

"No," said Tony sadly, "no, I don't," he let go of his father's hand and stood up, "gotta go, Dad. Love you," and he dropped a kiss on the top of Senior's head.

As the door closed behind them, Senior said, "... Dad ...?"

"Let's go home," said Gibbs as they stepped into the New York winter.

"Sounds good, Boss," said Tony as he buttoned his coat against the cold, "Yes, sounds good. Let's go home."

And with one last look back at the care facility, he strode after Gibbs.


End file.
